My new mantra is to 'let go'. Not a very original thought, I grant you, and perhaps one with overtones of cliched Sixties hippydom, but I don't care. If it works, it's good enough for me. The thing is, letting go is what I've always been singularly bad at. I sometimes find it practically impossible. I have an elephantine ability to recall the past, I am the unofficial World Champion List-Maker, and I have been known to display an almost pathological desire to finish things off.
This noxious habit has been driven, I suspect, by the same internal force which compels me to 'try harder', 'work things out' and avoid failure at all costs. Its language is full of the same 'musts', 'oughts' and 'shoulds' which command a life of fear, ruled by an uncompromising gestapo officer inside my own head.
But enough is enough. Just as I have now cleared the clutter from our house, it is time to vanquish the lingering poison from within my own head. But where to start? Unhelpful expectations, perhaps? Self-mortifying guilt? Brooding blame? Useless, painful and despicable fear? Just as important as recognising the truths of our past is our ability to move on.
Letting go isn't about laziness or an inability to face our problems. It is about looking our demons squarely in the eye and knowing them by name. It is about seeing the true reality of things so as not to get lost in the despairing cycle of negative rumination. Moreover, it is - for someone like me - a courageous act which seems to go against our very nature. It is making peace with uncertainty, and relinquishing the illusion of control over our lives. So simple to say, yet so very hard to do.
I'd like to explain it better, but I'm letting go now and going to bed! Instead I'll point you towards an article I unearthed on t'internet called The Art of Letting Go - A Taoist Approach by Amy Suplee, a Master of Traditional Chinese Medicine from Aspen, Colorado. I think it repays a couple of close readings, and I agree with pretty much every word she says.
Stevie,
ReplyDeleteIt suits some people to take it easy and let go. I dream of sitting pondering in a quiet room in the North of Majorca, smelling the flowers & fragrances outside, looking out of a small window at the blue sea far below. Maybe for a time at least, but I'm also competitive, with reasonable energy & want to be hitting a ball or spending time with my kids. I enjoy busy family life & busy, challenging, reasonably stressful time at work. My philosophy is more to be comfortable with way I am, including at times being moody, argumentative (too often), restrained, overly rational, with probably a pretty low emotional quotient. Letting go is not for me (not for long anyhow)!