Mind Week 9 to 16 May 2009
The man every woman wants, we are told, is the ‘strong and silent type’. When we appear weak, we are told to ‘be a man’. If our emotions get the better of us, we remind ourselves pointedly: ‘boys don’t cry’.
Despite increasing encouragement to ‘open up’ and recognise our true feelings, there is still an alarming and widespread stigma attached to all aspects of mental health. People don’t know how to deal with it, so they pretend it isn’t there and hope it will go away. They don’t know how to help and, if they are a sufferer themselves, they often don’t know how to explain it - either to others or to themselves. This ignorance is accompanied by its four ugly sisters: doubt, guilt, shame and anxiety. This, of course, only makes matters much worse and makes us hide the truth at all costs - ironically, the one thing that could really help us.
When it comes to the male of the species, this 'doom loop' can take on another, hellish dimension. The notion of being ‘one of the boys’ defines our interactions more than most of us would like to admit, and we play along with a surface level of machismo and bonhomie. While often perfectly harmless, this can also act as a real barrier to getting our true feelings across, or even recognising them in the first place.
As far as mental illness is concerned, many men simply don’t want to 'go there'. Even if such problems are staring them in the face, they will do anything to avoid them, frequently resorting to violence, alcohol or drugs. The lucky ones are people like me who have been able to find help and deal with their illness in a supportive, caring environment. But there are others with chronic addictions or who lead lives of crime as a futile attempt to escape their own self-destructive thoughts. Thousands more suffer in silent terror, frightened to death of facing the contents of their own heads.
This is why Mind is telling men to ‘get it off your chest’ for their forthcoming campaign. If we can find ways of getting rid of the stigma around mental health in general, and men’s mental health in particular, this will be an important step. Important, too, is the openness with which some are prepared to share their difficult experiences.
Marcus Trescothick, the former England international cricketer is one such example. Having initially put his sudden return home from a Test match tour in India down to ‘personal reasons’ and a ‘stress-related illness’, he was eventually much more candid about his battle with clinical depression. Trescothick released his autobiography - Coming Back To Me - last year, admitting that, in doing so, he wanted to get things ‘out in the open…there have been so many questions left unanswered and I've not helped that process’. In this book, he writes:
‘My mind was pulling itself apart in a hundred directions. Then came the pictures in my head; specific, enormous, terrifying images… I couldn't distinguish between what was real and what I imagined to be real... things, beings, beasts, bastards... attacked in waves, one after another, each worse than the one before. “Oh God, please, make it stop. Please make it stop.”’
Like all other sufferers, Trescothick asked himself why he should have depression. ‘What did I have to worry about? I had always been someone who coped. But depression doesn't care who it attacks; if it wants you, you cannot beat it off with a CV or a bank balance.’
It surely must be one of his proudest achievements that he now appears to have his illness under control. ‘While there may never be a cure’, he says, ‘I have built up strategies to deal with my depression and understand it better.’
The only way to achieve such a breakthrough is through facing up to the truth and being honest with ourselves. Even though men and women experience mental health problems in roughly equal numbers, the tragic truth is that men are much less likely to be diagnosed and treated for it. One in three men with depression and anxiety feels embarrassed about asking for help, and the suicide rate among men is much, much higher. This is why it’s so important for men to ‘come out’ about their mental health and seek the support they need.
Despite increasing encouragement to ‘open up’ and recognise our true feelings, there is still an alarming and widespread stigma attached to all aspects of mental health. People don’t know how to deal with it, so they pretend it isn’t there and hope it will go away. They don’t know how to help and, if they are a sufferer themselves, they often don’t know how to explain it - either to others or to themselves. This ignorance is accompanied by its four ugly sisters: doubt, guilt, shame and anxiety. This, of course, only makes matters much worse and makes us hide the truth at all costs - ironically, the one thing that could really help us.
When it comes to the male of the species, this 'doom loop' can take on another, hellish dimension. The notion of being ‘one of the boys’ defines our interactions more than most of us would like to admit, and we play along with a surface level of machismo and bonhomie. While often perfectly harmless, this can also act as a real barrier to getting our true feelings across, or even recognising them in the first place.
As far as mental illness is concerned, many men simply don’t want to 'go there'. Even if such problems are staring them in the face, they will do anything to avoid them, frequently resorting to violence, alcohol or drugs. The lucky ones are people like me who have been able to find help and deal with their illness in a supportive, caring environment. But there are others with chronic addictions or who lead lives of crime as a futile attempt to escape their own self-destructive thoughts. Thousands more suffer in silent terror, frightened to death of facing the contents of their own heads.
This is why Mind is telling men to ‘get it off your chest’ for their forthcoming campaign. If we can find ways of getting rid of the stigma around mental health in general, and men’s mental health in particular, this will be an important step. Important, too, is the openness with which some are prepared to share their difficult experiences.
Marcus Trescothick, the former England international cricketer is one such example. Having initially put his sudden return home from a Test match tour in India down to ‘personal reasons’ and a ‘stress-related illness’, he was eventually much more candid about his battle with clinical depression. Trescothick released his autobiography - Coming Back To Me - last year, admitting that, in doing so, he wanted to get things ‘out in the open…there have been so many questions left unanswered and I've not helped that process’. In this book, he writes:‘My mind was pulling itself apart in a hundred directions. Then came the pictures in my head; specific, enormous, terrifying images… I couldn't distinguish between what was real and what I imagined to be real... things, beings, beasts, bastards... attacked in waves, one after another, each worse than the one before. “Oh God, please, make it stop. Please make it stop.”’
Like all other sufferers, Trescothick asked himself why he should have depression. ‘What did I have to worry about? I had always been someone who coped. But depression doesn't care who it attacks; if it wants you, you cannot beat it off with a CV or a bank balance.’
It surely must be one of his proudest achievements that he now appears to have his illness under control. ‘While there may never be a cure’, he says, ‘I have built up strategies to deal with my depression and understand it better.’
The only way to achieve such a breakthrough is through facing up to the truth and being honest with ourselves. Even though men and women experience mental health problems in roughly equal numbers, the tragic truth is that men are much less likely to be diagnosed and treated for it. One in three men with depression and anxiety feels embarrassed about asking for help, and the suicide rate among men is much, much higher. This is why it’s so important for men to ‘come out’ about their mental health and seek the support they need.
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